Number 10: Style or “current type” obsession

This level of geekdom can really be one of the most annoying. With the style or “current type” obsession, the beer geek argues the merits and superiority of the favorite type. “IPAs are just so much better because of the crazy amount of hops; that’s why I’ve had 400 different ones and have hops injections once a week.” “Man! You’ve got to drink only Oatmeal Stouts for the next month, that’s all I’m drinking.” You get the idea.

Number 9: Beer annoyance

If you talk about beer to the point that it annoys people, then you are a beer geek. Does it even get to the point that you don’t mind being annoying as long as you get to keep talking about beer? Can you name a person or two that you’ve made seriously consider jumping off a bridge rather than hear you drone on about beer? Have you discovered ways to work it into a conversation that has no remote connection to beer? Have you gone to AA meetings in order to find people who are eager to talk about beer?

Number 8: Beeraphernalia

You have more than just beer. You have coasters, posters, toasters or loafers. You have a collection of beer glasses, caps, bottles, openers or corks (if the beer had one). If you have so much stuff that a Star Wars collector would do a double-take in his/her Skywalker gear, then you are a beer geek. Is beer stuff piling up? Do you get asked on a regular basis to do something about your beer stuff? If you answered yes, then you are a certifiable beer geek.

Number 7: Beer Details

In this one, you find yourself arguing about the most minute details concerning a beer or company. “No, that beer is 7.354% Alcohol, not 7.355%.” “That beer was released by them on July 12th not the 11th…I know because I was there when the opened the first cask at their brewery location.” These might be a couple of statements that you might make as a beer geek.

Number 6: Beer sight-seeing

This is the one where you spend more time looking at beers that you want to try rather than getting what you came for. You stare at those beers that you wish you had the money to purchase. You watch more beers than you could possibly hope to ever drink or buy, waiting for that long-lost, rich uncle to die and leave you his beer cellar and a ton of money to purchase all the beer you want. Snapping back into reality, you realize that you’ve been perusing for an hour or two. Wow! The imagination is truly timeless.

Number 5: Beer Anticipating

You spend half your time waiting or wishing that this or that beer would come out already. You know that date when the seasonals are supposed to come out. Any aberration from those dates is unacceptable. You look at beer websites to find out when the much anticipated beer is going to come out for a given brewery, telling everybody you know about when that beer comes out.

Number 4: Beer Searching

Beer searchers are always looking for some obscure beer that no one has ever had or even seen. They look for mythical beers like they are searching for the fountain of youth. They travel from town to town, city to city, state to state, even country to country looking for beer made from local goat hair or hamster toe nails. Whatever beers they can find, they drink without question. Believe me when I tell you that you will hear all about what they found, what they drank, and the fact that they stopped making it five minutes before they tried it (consequently, you will never be able to get it).

Number 3: Making your own beer

Whatever the reason–they just can’t find a good Oatmeal Stout, they think they can do it better, they just want to have more beer to drink for cheaper–beer geeks make, want to make, or have thought about making their own beer.

Number 2: Making beer disciples

When you’ve gotten to the point that you can’t be content loving beer yourself but must try to make other people feel the same way, beer geekdom has really taken hold. If you make your own beer, you share it with everybody you can. When you buy beer, you must share the experience or beer with others. You are holding out hope that your grandma will become a beer fanatic…beer geek!

Number 1: You know it and you are just fine with it.

In fact, you prefer being a beer geek. You do most or all of the other nine beer geeky things. You have no intention of stopping or seeking the professional help that you so badly need.

What have I excluded that you would like to see on this list? Maybe adding a suggestion or taking issue with an article like this could be added to marks of a beer geek. Seriously, chime in with what you think.  I actually think this is a very nice top ten list for a guy that doesn’t do them.

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