Beer geek.  Beer nerd.  Beer nut.  Beer enthusiast. Beer connoisseur.  Beer expert.  Beer snob.

There are practically as many designations (many self given) for the beer carouser of discriminate taste as there are beer styles.  Some approach such labeling with contempt; others with open arms.  But perhaps an less oft discussed designation is the the “Beer Know it All.”  We all remember the know it all in second grade.  He/She jumped at the opportunity to lavish his/her unsolicited wisdom upon you, and quite often that wisdom was incorrect.

I stumbled upon “the beer know it all” the other day.  The store had a fairly decent selection of beer.  As I was admiring it I noticed a woman with a list in her hand.  She looked confused, but I didn’t want to impose my knoledge upon her, uncertain that she actually needed any help.  I’d rather the vast beer knowledge in my temple be solicited.

A man stocking the beer cooler walked by and she asked him for help finding “filtered wheat beer” for her husband.  His response, laced with confidence, gave me a chuckle and bears repeating:

Uh, yeah, we don’t have any filtered wheat beer.  (actually they did, which I pointed out to the lady later:  New Belgium Sunshine)
We have some unfiltered wheat (here he points out Boulevard’s Unfiltered Wheat) but you wouldn’t want it any way.  Unfitered wheat is cloudy (correct!) and very sticky…in fact, I can’t even swallow the stuff…it’s too sweet…they didn’t filter out the sugar.  (say waht?!?!)

He pauses, the woman looks perplexed and she asks for a suitable substitute.

Hmmm…you should probably go with an IPA…they were made for war and shit (he really did say “and shit” but at least he sounded like he might get this one right).  They made these beers more bitter ’cause they had to ship them farther.  They put extra yeast in the bottle, so by the time the beer got to the soldiers it was really alcoholic.  If you buy and IPA and let it sit for a few years, it will become really alcoholic…I know…I’ve done it (were did he get that from?  He then lets his mischeivious “yeah I got drunk…REALLY drunk” grin out of the cage)

He began carrying on more, but I tuned it out.  All said and done though, it was interesting and humorous.  Odds are, at some point in time, I have been that guy.  I try to be informed when entering into any conversation, but I know I’ve gaffed.  I don’t recount the story to ridicule the guy or to try and elevate myself as being more informed, rather to point out that in a world full of know-it-alls, you cannot take for granted that what you are reading/listening to is legit, especially here on the interweb, a special place full of “experts.”  I bet that lady explain to her friend he new found knowledge of IPAs and perpetuates the error unaware.

Have you run into any “beer know it alls” lately?  Oh, by the way, I bet you didn’t know that Trappist Beers are called “Trappist” because the monks brewed the beer to lure drunks into caged traps where they would then practice necromancy on them.  It’s true.  Trust me.  I’m an expert.