I thought that this would be a nice post the day before the election. Of course this is a hypothetical article characterizing the debates that the two have had. I will also throw in some more vicious rumors that have occured. This is not an endorsement of any particular candidate. How much more bipartisan can I get? All of this will happen in the context of talking about beer.
Question : Do you support beer?
McCain: My opponent has voted against numerous beer bills that I had a hand in promoting. I have a track record of beer advocacy and have fought for beer rights. My opponent has hated beer his whole life. Although he lacks experience to run a brewery. You will see that I have the experience necessary. My opponent has been close friends with a man who purposely brewed skunky beer in an attempt to undermine our beerconomy. He listened to a preacher of beer hate for 20 years. Friends, we don’t need someone who doesn’t understand beer in this confusing time of the mirco-brew revolution. We need someone who is looking out for Joe 6 pack, 12 pack, 24 pack, 30 pack, pony keg and keg. We need someone who will looking out for Joe long-neck bottle. God knows that Joe six pack is going to need at least six to get the image of Joe the Plumber’s ass crack out of his mind. My opponent is a neo-communist beer hating fascist. He wants to take away your beer and your children’s beer. We need a solid beer future and can never have that with my opponent.
Obama: My opponent has voted against numerous beer bills that I had a hand in promoting. I have a track record of beer advocacy and have fought for beer rights. My opponent has voted with Busch beer 90% of the time. If my opponent runs the brewery he will keep giving you more of the same beer. We need a new formula for beer success not more of the same. We need a hope for beer that doesn’t taste like the same old beer. We need change in our fundamental conception of our beerconomy. Friends I’m looking out for you. I don’t want to give cheaper beer to the rich while charging the poor more. I want affordable beer care for us all. This curmudgeonly old geezer will swill up the beer of our future generations. He wants the rich to form a beeristorcracy and keep all the beer for themselves in an evil master-plan to make true beer freedom impossible.